


Love at the bottom of a bottle

by halesip100



Category: South Park
Genre: Character Death, Death, Depression, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-18
Updated: 2020-03-18
Packaged: 2021-02-28 21:42:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,469
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23194180
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/halesip100/pseuds/halesip100
Summary: Kyle struggles to keep going
Kudos: 10





	Love at the bottom of a bottle

Kyle walked quickly through the bustling hallways, ignoring the sounds of conversation surrounding him. His focus was aimed in the exit and freedom for the weekend. School was a lonely prison that took his breath away.

He burst through the doors with a large sigh of relief. He had managed to get through his day without talking to a single soul. The forced conversations that he had to have on a daily basis made his chest tighten with anxiety. The thought of slipping up and allowing someone to see the real him was terrifying.

The tension in his shoulders loosened the further he walked away from the school. His mind began to roam to the things he would need to do when he returned home. His homework was the first thing on the list. He may hate school but failing was not an option. 

The heat of the house warmed his chapped cheeks as he opened the door of the house. He slipped his shoes off by the front door so his mother wouldn't complain about the dirt tracked through the house. His homework removed, he hung his backpack by the door.

He climbed the stairs quietly, trying to avoid conversation with his mother and brother. He finally felt the fear of everything dissipate as his bedroom door closed quietly behind him. He really wished the rest of the world felt like his bedroom did.

A buzzing from his pocket pulled him from his thought. Stan was calling him again. He knew he should answer, but he couldnt bring himself to. The conversation would inevitably end up where it didn't belong.

The call went to voicemail but immediately began ringing again. Why couldn't he just leave him alone? Frustrated with it, he threw the phone onto the bed, letting it ring.

He sat himself at his desk, piling boons on one side, papers on the other. Homework roulette is what he likes to call it. Grab a random piece and start from there. Then he didn't have to stress about which thing to do first.

The doorbell downstairs rang an hour into his homework session. He ignored it, knowing his mother would answer it. It was probably a neighbor asking to borrow something, nothing to do with him. That is, until he heard the footsteps coming up the stairs. He could tell they weren't his mother's.

That meant she had sent someone up the stairs to most likely him. His assumption was confirmed by the light tap on his door. Kyle sighed in frustration. Why couldn't Stan take the hint and leave him alone.

" Come in," he grumbled as he turned in his chair. Instead of being greeted by his black haired friend it was blonde hair and blue eyes.

" Hey Ky," Kenny said softly. " You planning on answering the phone anytime this month?"

" So you are here because Stan sent you," he said as he turned back around. Maybe if he focused on his homework. Kenny would give up and leave.

"Of course. He's majorly worried about you. He said you haven't had a conversation with him in two months."

" Well I'm find so you can go away now," he mumbled as he tried to solve the equation staring at him from his homework. He knew it was simple, but Kenny's presence was distracting him.

" Dude, everyone knows you are not fine. Have you looked at yourself lately. You've lost weight. I don't know what it is about Craig's death that has hit you so hard but you got to let it go," Kenny lectured.

Kyle spun around in his chair his face hardened and his heart racing. " What makes you think that Craig's death is what is bothering me?" He questioned. No one was allowed to know, he didn't think he had made it obvious.

" It's the only thing that could of set you off man. Is it the fact that we couldn't see it coming? That's understandable. Even Tweek didn't see it coming."

Kyle scoffed at the mention of Tweek, and then looked away quickly. He had given a little piece of himself away. This is why Stan had sent Kenny over. He was good at digging into things like this.

" Just tell me what's going on man? Did it make you think about things, too. Do we need to get you some help?" 

" You're asking me if I'm suicidal?" He asked, his tone flat. Of course he was. How could he not be?

" Of course I am. I love him and now he is gone." Kyle's eyes fell shut in defeat as his mouth said things he hadn't meant to say.

He could feel Kenny's eyes analyzing him even with his eyes shut. He ground his teeth together in irritation.

" What do you mean you loved him?" Kenny whispered uncomfortably. Kyle felt sudden guilt at the admission. Kenny was Tweek's friend. His support system after Craig had taken his own life.

" He wasn't cheating on Tweek if that's what you're worried about. We were spending time together before he, you know, did what he did." He looked up to see Kenny watching him with sad eyes.

" Tweek thought he was sleeping with someone else. You weren't on his suspect list." Kenny told him. Kyle's eyebrows rose in surprise. Craig had never mentioned that Tweek was suspicious at hiw much time spent away from him.

" We never slept together. I went to him when I thought I might be gay. I thought he could give me some insight to help me question and not panic," Kyle turned back towards his desk and shuffled his papers.

" I admitted to him once how I felt. He told me he cared about me but he could never hurt Tweek. I understood though. Tweek was the only thing that kept him around for so long I think."

" I had no idea you guys had even become friends," Kenny said, shocked.

" I knew what he was going to do."

" You what?" Kenny asked quickly. He had scorched himself forward with even more attention in his eyes.

" He told me what he was going to do. He explained to me why. I always knew he struggled, but after he told me, I didn't have the heart to stop him," Kyle whispered.

" You were complicit in his suicide. By not telling anyone, by not trying to get him help you assisted him," Kenny accused.

" I know," Kyle said bringing his eyes up to Kenny's. " I know, and now I want to die too."

Kenny sighed and reached towards him to touch his face. Kyle leaned into the touch, not realizing how much he needed it. " Get help, Kyle." Then he got up from the bed, and made his way through the door. " And answer your damn phone when Stan calls. I'm tired of listening to him bitch."

The door shut softly behind him. Even though he heard Kenny's footsteps disappearing down the steps he felt his judgement lingering. It tainted his safe space holding itself in all the nooks and crannies.

He reached over and picked up his phone. Twenty missed calls from Stan. Instead of calling him back like he should, he pulled up his archived voicemails.

" Hey Kyle. It's, uh, Craig. I finally took a whole bottle of pills and realized, uh, I realized I didn't leave you a note like I meant to. And now I don't have time so I just want you to know that I love you Kyle. I know it's not how you wanted me to but your my best friend. Thanks for listening to me. Be… something… I don't… uh love you."

The phone went silent and Kyle cried freely. He had known it was coming but it still broke his heart. He had wanted him to stay here but he knew that was selfish. " Why did you leave me here alone," he whispered out loud. 

He pushed himself out of his chair and walked slowly to the bathroom. He opened the medicine cabinet, and pulled out his mom's pills that she though she hid well in the back. He turned the shower on and shook the bottle nervously.

" How bad was it?" He questioned, wishing his friend could answer him. He pulled his phone out and made a text out to Stan. ' I'm Sorry' was all he sent before gulping down a handful of pills. Then he pulled his phone up to his ear, hearing it ring, once, twice then go to voicemail.

" Hey Craig. It's Kyle. I know you'll never hear this but I just took a bottle of pills and, uh, this is the only way I could talk to you. I miss you. I'll see you soon." He set his phone down without hanging up and let the world go black.


End file.
